Sorigacious

I’m only new in so far as I’m new to you, and even then look at the years of childhood, the rivers of memory, voluminous silences that have kept us together. I cant even claim the mocking title of novelty. At best I’m a place-marker at worst I’m a phase. 

how then do I measure to a dream. A little girl ponders and dreams mellifluous dreams inherited from a mother and traded with a sister. Embellished and glorified. Revised, reinvented, and revisited. How many nights you must have spend shaping and claiming such a dream to then be denied it so vehemently by life and circumstance. 

But now an older girl and a growing woman can claim to have had a dream be birthed into the uneasy and dirty realm of reality. How majestic that must feel. People live and die and never approximate what I imagine that must feel like.

How then does one measure against a dream come true? The pouring forth of fantasy, desire, and hope into the tangible?

what place do i take when there is another more rooted sources of fulfillment more real, more giving, more unconditional than i?

“Dear Mauricio,

Congratulations!  It is my pleasure to inform you that the Graduate Committee has voted to accept you into our Ph.D. program in Sociology with funding for four years assuming you remain in good standing in the program”

this weekend has just been stellar…

minimal sleep

7 hours of training

2 meetings

a horrid conversation

AND I LOST MY FUCKING MOLSKINE 

on a brighter note…I got a hair cut

Mauricio Tomas Torres, Ph.D

clouded.doubtful.fearful.apprehensive.silent.impatient.wanting.waiting.determined.

contained.reserved.controlled.sleepless.drained.worried.anxious.explosive.annoyed.

tried.tired.teeming.uncertain.contorted.mauled.meandering.weighted.shaken.

dying to become.